True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
