how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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