Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
