if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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