I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
