I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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