I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
