I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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