I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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