if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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