brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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