Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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