in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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