guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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