My underwear smells like fireworks.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
