it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
