he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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