pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
