I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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