Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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