i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Someone came in the potted fern
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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