I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
