He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
