Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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