benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
