so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
