frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
