I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
