I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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