with your own penis?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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