The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
