my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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