living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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