Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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