Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
