flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize