this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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