i jhust puked up my retainher.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
