nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
