I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
