I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just gift wrapped bread.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
