May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
