Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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