u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
