I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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