if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
