Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
