how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
