some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
