so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize