I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
