Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Pooping to opera.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize