Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
