We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
