My nipple is on Facebook.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
