1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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