You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
