it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
