I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize