I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just invented taco cereal.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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