I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize