Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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