even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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