So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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