is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
