I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
