hell yes lets make some ravioli
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
