peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
