dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
