Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
