i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
